Common Patterns That Keep Us Stuck
Feeling “stuck” is one of the most common reasons people come to therapy. Sometimes it looks like going over the same anxious thoughts over and over again. Sometimes it feels like emotional exhaustion that never goes away. Other times, life just starts to feel like it has gotten off track.
From an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) perspective, stuckness has less to do with what’s happening in a particular circumstance and more to do with how we relate to our inner world, our thoughts, emotions, urges, and fears. ACT teaches that suffering is part of being human and that we get stuck when we spend our lives fighting our internal experiences instead of living a life guided by our values.
If you’ve been feeling stuck lately, you’re not broken! You’re human. Below are common patterns that keep many of us stuck and how ACT can help us move forward.
1. Avoiding Difficult Emotions
Many high-achieving adults are experts at managing, fixing, or powering through emotions. Distraction, overworking, perfectionism, scrolling, emotional numbing, or shutting down can temporarily soothe discomfort, but over time, they can shrink our world.
ACT offers a different stance:
Emotions are not problems to solve. They’re experiences to make room for.
Acceptance in ACT isn’t approval. It’s willingness. It’s the skill of saying:
“This emotion is uncomfortable, and I can still do what matters.”
When we stop treating pain as danger, freedom opens up.
2. Believing Every Thought the Mind Offers
Our minds are storytellers, and the stories often sound convincing:
• “I’m not enough.”
• “If I feel anxious, something is wrong.”
• “I should wait until I feel confident.”
• “I can’t handle this.”
In ACT, this is called cognitive fusion, when we’re so fused to a thought that we treat it as a fact. A powerful shift comes through defusion, or noticing thoughts as thoughts:
“I’m having the thought that I’m not enough.”
That separation creates breathing room. You’re not required to obey every thought your mind creates.
3. Relying on Coping Strategies That No Longer Help
Control works beautifully in the physical world, in engineering projects, spreadsheets, and day-to-day problems. But control breaks down when applied to our internal life. Trying to control anxiety, grief, uncertainty, or self-doubt usually makes them louder.
ACT helps us notice when we’re applying problem-solving to feelings, a place where problem-solving doesn’t work. The invitation becomes:
What if the goal isn’t control, but openness?
Openness allows our emotional weather to move through us instead of getting trapped.
4. Letting Fear Drive Decisions
Fear whispers all kinds of rules:
• “Don’t risk rejection.”
• “Don’t let them see you’re struggling.”
• “Stay safe. Don’t try something different.”
When fear sets the agenda, life narrows. We stop showing up for our relationships, passion projects, community, creativity, or new opportunities.
ACT reframes courage:
Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s movement in the presence of fear.
Fear can ride along in the passenger seat. It just doesn’t get to steer.
5. Losing Sight of What Matters
Sometimes feeling stuck is less about symptoms and more about disconnection from values, the things that make life meaningful.
Signs you might be disconnected:
• You’re living by other people’s expectations
• Life feels like an obligation, not a choice
• You’re busy, but not fulfilled
• You can’t remember the last time you felt like yourself
ACT asks:
“What do you want your life to stand for?”
”How do you want to show up in relationships, work, and community?”
Values are not goals. They are directions. They help you steer toward meaning even when discomfort shows up.
6. Waiting for Motivation
Motivation is one of the biggest myths that keeps people frozen. We wait for clarity, confidence, or emotional alignment before acting.
ACT flips the script:
Action often leads to motivation. Not the other way around.
Small steps matter. A 3-minute action toward what you value is more powerful than waiting weeks for the “right feeling.”
So, What Does ACT Help Us Do?
ACT teaches psychological flexibility: the ability to stay present, open, and engaged in meaningful action.
It weaves together six core skills:
• Acceptance: making space for emotions
• Defusion: unhooking from unhelpful thoughts
• Present moment awareness: anchoring attention in the here and now
• Perspective-taking: recognizing you are more than your thoughts/feelings
• Values: clarifying what matters
• Committed action: taking steps aligned with values
Psychological flexibility doesn’t remove pain. It gives you ways to live fully, even in the presence of pain.
A Compassionate Reframe
If you see yourself in these patterns, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re wired like every other human nervous system, built to avoid discomfort, seek certainty, and protect you from perceived threat.
ACT doesn’t ask you to feel better before living. It asks:
Can you live a meaningful life while allowing emotions and uncertainty to exist?
That’s where freedom lives.
A Gentle Invitation
Take a moment and ask yourself:
• Which pattern shows up most often for me?
• What emotion have I been working hard to avoid?
• What tiny step could I take this week that aligns with who I want to be?
It doesn’t need to be dramatic. One email. One conversation. One pause. One breath. One choice toward what matters.
If you’re ready to explore these patterns with support, especially if anxiety, grief, perfectionism, or emotional overwhelm have been steering your life, therapy can help you build a life that feels expansive again.
You're allowed to move forward.
You're allowed to choose meaning.
You're allowed to live fully, even with uncertainty.
You don’t have to do it alone.
